Saturday, 23 June 2012

On the path of Self Discovery

Past one month or so I have been a little inactive on net. I have been involved in quite a few things Art of Living, Office Trip, Pune Trip, Birthday and Vipassana.
My sudden ways of self discovery and self realizations have come as a surprise to a lot of people.They are a little baffled as to why have I been so inclined towards these experimentation's suddenly. Truly speaking I have no answer for this.

Off late, I had been so busy with my life that I hardly had time to sit back and think, analyze my life as to what exactly did I want and how deviated was I from that. Sooner or later there comes a phase in everyone’s life when they are anxious, directionless or sometimes jittery even after everything is on the track. You feel, 'Is the right exactly right or is the right actually wrong?'. Right now I am exactly there. Perfect present looks imperfect. But when I sneak peak into the future, present looks just the best place to be in.

Vipassana was my idea of figuring out a lot of things about myself. In the beginning I thought of it as a nice way to disconnect myself from the world and feel the pleasure and solitude in my own company. But later on it was more of an attempt to get  answers to the questions that had been hovering around from quite some time.

There are two things I would like to share with all. First: A few lines I wrote before I went into the Noble Silence in the Vipassana course.With a lot of anxiety and nervousness combined I entered the Vipassana centre on the 6th of June 2012. This is what I felt then:
 “I am here to discover myself. It’s important to know who you are? What do you truly want? Your existence lies where? In these busy times it is impossible for an individual to interact with oneself. Our body is our true existence. But we fail to talk to it. People enter and leave your life but each time what remains with you is you yourself. My success I feel was when I had faith in myself that I could do something like this. Now is the time to bring the faith to practice. Release myself from all the inhibitions and let the Journey begin…..”

Second: They say you can take away the pen and paper from a writer but he still has his mind: it’s his biggest canvas. He spills out different colours onto it every moment. On the 8th day , my thoughts surfaced as a poem. 

Bereft of all, I stood there tall.
I had no voice, I had no choice.

Eyes were close, thoughts arose
Mind kept wandering all the time!!

I asked it to keep quiet, I said it knew what was right!
I then focused on my breath and finally I was there!
Days passed, my mind became more stable and sharp!

Now was the time, to know what’s inside.
Whenever there was craving and aversion, I asked my mind to stay Equanimious!

No more new sanskaras, sanskaras no more.
The old deep rooted one’s have to be thrown.

Dhamma stand erect you shall not lean.
Coz I shall follow Pragya (Panna) Samadhi and sheel (sila)

PS: I could recollect only these lines of the poetry