On the path of Self Discovery

Past one month or so I have been a little inactive on net. I have been involved in quite a few things Art of Living, Office Trip, Pune Trip, Birthday and Vipassana.
My sudden ways of self discovery and self realizations have come as a surprise to a lot of people.They are a little baffled as to why have I been so inclined towards these experimentation's suddenly. Truly speaking I have no answer for this.

Off late, I had been so busy with my life that I hardly had time to sit back and think, analyze my life as to what exactly did I want and how deviated was I from that. Sooner or later there comes a phase in everyone’s life when they are anxious, directionless or sometimes jittery even after everything is on the track. You feel, 'Is the right exactly right or is the right actually wrong?'. Right now I am exactly there. Perfect present looks imperfect. But when I sneak peak into the future, present looks just the best place to be in.

Vipassana was my idea of figuring out a lot of things about myself. In the beginning I thought of it as a nice way to disconnect myself from the world and feel the pleasure and solitude in my own company. But later on it was more of an attempt to get  answers to the questions that had been hovering around from quite some time.

There are two things I would like to share with all. First: A few lines I wrote before I went into the Noble Silence in the Vipassana course.With a lot of anxiety and nervousness combined I entered the Vipassana centre on the 6th of June 2012. This is what I felt then:

 “I am here to discover myself. It’s important to know who you are? What do you truly want? Your existence lies where? In these busy times it is impossible for an individual to interact with oneself. Our body is our true existence. But we fail to talk to it. People enter and leave your life but each time what remains with you is you yourself. My success I feel was when I had faith in myself that I could do something like this. Now is the time to bring the faith to practice. Release myself from all the inhibitions and let the Journey begin…..”

Second: They say you can take away the pen and paper from a writer but he still has his mind: it’s his biggest canvas. He spills out different colours onto it every moment. On the 8th day , my thoughts surfaced as a poem. 

Bereft of all, I stood there tall.

I had no voice, I had no choice.

Eyes were close, thoughts arose

Mind kept wandering all the time!!

I asked it to keep quiet, I said it knew what was right!

I then focused on my breath and finally I was there!

Days passed, my mind became more stable and sharp!

Now was the time, to know what’s inside.

Whenever there was craving and aversion, I asked my mind to stay Equanimious!

No more new sanskaras, sanskaras no more.

The old deep rooted one’s have to be thrown.

Dhamma stand erect you shall not lean.

Coz I shall follow Pragya (Panna) Samadhi and sheel (sila)

PS: I could recollect only these lines of the poetry

Letting the secret out ;)

           There is one compliment I have been hearing since a long time. People tell me I have a beautiful smile. “Seriously? “, I ask them baffled.  Yes they reply instantly and ask how I manage looking beautiful and staying happy all the time. I accept the compliment graciously with a smile.

But do you want to know the secret of that beautiful smile ???

         The secret is I want to smile. The reason is I want to stay Happy. Anyone who takes that effort to smile and enjoy the very moment will remain HAPPY. The secret of Happiness & Beauty is nothing more than a heart that wants to stay happy and wants to keep doing that every day.

When I was a young girl studying in school, every Sunday evening I used to go for a walk with mom dad. Most of the times I walked behind them analyzing what all things I wanted so as to be the happiest.  Three things topped my list: learning to drive, a personal computer, my own room. Now after almost 13 years I have  covered almost the entire wish list. However, I realized driving to work in my own car, coming back and sleeping in my own room and owning a laptop doesn't  give the Happiness that I get chatting with my friends over a cup of coffee. It doesn't give me the same pleasure that I get when I dance for hours with my closest friends.

            With time we realize the truth  behind Happiness. No one’s life is bereft of happiness. It's a part of you. The very human nature is to be happy. We keep searching happiness in the accomplishment of our short and long term goals. These goals might take years to complete. Does that mean we will remain cranky all through the years??Why leave even a single day or a single moment of being happy. Don’t associate happiness with your ambitions. Search for ways to enjoy each passing day.                                                                                        

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says :

”Happiness depends on your mind. When mind is free of past impressions and future cravings happiness is there.”

Perfect isn’t it. With such simplicity he has given the key to a happy heart. You need to forget about the past, stop thinking about the future and stay in present. When you are in present everything looks perfect and when everything is perfect you become happy. :)

            Another way of staying happy is being around positive people happy people and who else will be a better option than kids. The idea is to surround oneself with children and dive into the ocean of happiness. Love gives Happiness. They say in every child GOD resides.  Hence, a child’s love is the purest form of love.  Once a child connects with someone the nexus is too strong to be shaken.  I have been around a lot of kids and one such sweet child is ‘Yogesh’.

           It was a Saturday morning and I took the liberty of waking up a bit late than my usual time. As I checked my phone I saw 2 missed calls from an unknown number.  I called on the number and I could feel the voice was a known one. In a min I guessed that it was Yogesh. Excited he said ”Didi main pass ho gaya”. My delectation knew no bounds. I was delighted that he had passed his exams but I was more pleased to know that he wanted to share his happiness with me.  Who was I to him? Just a girl who came every Sunday with bunch of her friends and taught him. Kids have so much love to give that you can never be sad around them. Their love crosses all boundaries of religion, caste, language and economical backgrounds. They just want to get and spread love.

            If kids can do that why can’t we. When you wake up every morning, be happy that you have another day to live, another day to love your dear ones , to eat , to sing and  pray. A gesture of love can make someone's day and that will make your day. Give lift to someone who is trying to get inside a packed bus. Share your tiffin with that kid who works on the small tea stall outside your workplace, listen to your favourite track, browse through your childhood pictures, go on a walk with your mom, hug someone really tight. Just do something every day. Be happy and make someone smile every day.

Happiness is just somewhere around, disguised in various avatars. Just decide that you want to be happy and you will get plenty of reasons to be happy. J